The Subtle Power of an Open-Ended Question

We’re so accustomed to a mindset of fixing, advising, convincing, selling, and making people “see the light” that advice and other “helpful” tidbits just pop out of our mouths before we have time to consider whether or not the other person or group has even asked for it.  I still catch myself doing it, but I’m getting better. 

When I’m tempted to blurt out some wise morsel because I think I know how to solve someone’s dilemma, it helps me to pause, take a breath, and either stay silent or ask an open-ended question, usually beginning with “how” or “what”.  I need to be careful that the question isn’t a quick-fix in disguise.

So, I’ll try not to say to my friend,”You need to see a therapist,” or asking the not-helpful question, “Have you considered seeing a therapist?”  Instead, I might ask hir, “What supportive resources are currently around you?” or “How have you considered dealing with this?”  So my question doesn’t sound loaded to a particular option, I’ll try not to have my own solution in mind as I ask this.

This morning, I saw a bumper sticker that declared, “You need Jesus Christ!”  A more constructive bumper sticker might read,”What spiritual sustenance is available to you?” or “How do you nourish yourself spiritually?”, thereby allowing the reader to decide for hirself who or what hir spiritual partner(s) is.

Whether in circle of peers, in a tarot session, in heartfelt conversation with a dear one, or writing on this blog, I’m aware that questions keep possibility open.  Definitive statements close the door in our faces.