I would rather be whole than good. (C.G. Jung)
There’s a mistaken notion among some people that because I’m someone who works to assist others to evolve, I can’t express my complete personhood. It’s all fine and good when I’m posting something on Facebook about what a compassionate group I was part of that day or if I’m sharing in a workshop how the tarot took a client and me to a really rich soul place, but heaven forbid that I express any disappointment or anger about something. Suddenly, I’m attacked as being “negative” or “less than spiritual”. Rubbish.
For me, wholeness — that beingness that already exists at our core — is about embracing the WHOLE self (note the “whole” in “wholeness”). I’m good at what I do in our world because I’m in touch with many facets of my personality: gratitude, awe, wonder, judgement, grief, rage, inspiration, new vision, hope, action, passivity, earth-loving self, comfort creature self, the creative, the spiritual seeker, the snob, the critic, the guide, to name a few. To deny these carries the potential to cut myself off from wholeness. Certainly I carry unconscious shadow material, both frightening and brilliant. That’s part of all of us being human.
Yes, I use terms like “life-sustaining”, “invitation”, “beauty”, and “kindness”. I also use the words “fuck” and “shit” from time to time. To err and to be human make me a better guide and teacher because people’s projections onto me can be shattered and we can get down to doing something useful. I’ve done this with people I’ve admired in the past: “Oh, that person is so wonderful and spiritual.” Then, they did something I perceived as messing up which ticked me off. Afterward, I was able to say to them, “Thank you for being human. It feels good to take my power and gifts back in to myself instead of projecting them onto you.”
I value the part of me that weeps at a Puccini opera and I value the part of me that gets enraged at injustices and foolishness. I love the aspect of myself that can dress up and enjoy a four-course dinner at a table with lace runners and 200-year-old silverware and I love the aspect of myself that can sit on the ground in a pair of shorts and nibble on a sandwich. I like the James who gets annoyed at people spelling “altar” as “alter” and I like the James who realises that there are more pressing issues in our world to address.
I choose to do my best to embrace my full personhood, I choose to do my best to embrace your full personhood, and I choose to have my full personhood embraced as much as possible by others. Let’s find out how we might keep that covenant together.
We began with Carl Jung. Let’s conclude with Julia Cameron:
You cannot name me; I am more than the sum of my parts.
Love this James and so agree…people need to get off there high horses once in a while…specially when it comes to spelling mistakes…lol!
I’m one of the guilty spelling police, especially because I learned a certain way to write English. However, as long as I can understand someone, that counts for a lot
My teacher, T Thorn Coyle, had us outside with two half cups of water. She asked us to put all the best ourselves in one cup and what we perceive to be the worst of ourselves in the other. We were told to pour them back and forth into each other and then drink them down–’cause that’s who we are. Light and shadow. I guess what I love about many pagan “pursuits” is that we are all allowed to be whole. “Good” and “bad” are but two sides of the same coin. I tip my hat at you, James…in all your parts…
What a great ritual, just like the Temperance card at the top of this article. It’s the creative blend that counts here. We are our own best works of art!
I see Myself in this post, As I would suspect is the “Whole” point.
We have to embrace WHO we are. Yes, We can work on some things, after all – no one is perfect, but We need to embrace those imperfections & be kind to ourselves..
Thank You for sharing this message!
Believe it or not, those things inside that goof up our lives are doing it because they love us. It’s OK to give them new job descriptions sometimes.
This is wonderful, James! I grew up with a lot of what is now called “Catholic guilt,” so if I wasn’t “perfect,” which was never, I felt bad about myself. Then I swung full circle in rebellion, and felt like whatever I did was OK and “hated” the Church I grew up in. Now I’m more “full circle” and like you, I can embrace all aspects of me, as well as come to peace with what was actually good about the religion I was raised in, while at the same time forging my own spiritual path. So in summary, I hear you!
There comes a point when we realise the wastefulness of guilt, doesn’t there? I’m happy to hear that there’s peace within you!
This is such an important understanding. I think so much stress, depression and illness comes from what we repress of ourselves in attempts to “stay true” to definitions…the ones we wear of what others have put on us, as well as the ones we shackle ourselves with. Its a waste! What gifts would emerge from each of us if we allowed for the tones and textures of our whole selves?
Absolutely. Each of us is a wondrous kaleidoscope. We’re perpetually becoming, not static.
OMG, I cracked up at the “altar” vs. “alter” comment–I too am the spelling police (which makes it doubly ironic and comical when I make spelling errors, and I certainly do)…recognize myself in this whole post. Good for you, James. Don’t altar…oops, alter…a word of this post! LOL.
Thanks, Meridiana. Keep up the journey!
Thank you James for this! I think it’s absolutely true. Anyone in a so-called “helping profession” can work more effectively with his or her own clients once they themselves have seen and learned to nonjudgmentally face and perhaps at times even embrace (!) their “shadow sides.” Anytime we suppress anything of course it just comes out in an unbalanced way eventually!
) … ever read “Eats, Shoots & Leaves” by Lynne Truss? Sheer genius.
And regarding the alter/altar comment, how about one of my favorites “espresso/expresso” (I live in Rome
Don’t get me going on the spelling thing, Shelley
I think it’s important to take the sheen of mystery off the helping professions so that there’s less chance of people getting into unconscious hero-worship and projection of their own brilliance onto the practitioner.
Love every bit of this! Especially that you have shown the Temperance Tarot card to meditate upon. For the sake of our family, one of us stricken with a stroke, another of us, by a fall causing a broken limb, all of us having been laid low by the flu. First we cursed furiously, each of us individually, feeling alone in our pain. But then as the flu subsided, we came together and remembered that together, strengths and weaknesses and all, we are better off in community than alone.
‘
Wishing you all grace as your remember the strength of connection.
When my son was 6 years old, I asked him: “If white is good, and black is bad, which colour are you?” Without hesitation, he said, “Gray.”
Smart son!
Well said. Excellent post.
Thank you, Donnaleigh.
Thank you James.. so well put. without my Chironic wounds, i could not offer the empathy and compassion to clients to accept their shadow ,to love it. As they do this , so do i become a little closer to my own healing, and acceptance..
Ah, thank you for that lovely phrase, “Chironic wounds”, Jenne.
We must start a Spelling Police Club!! I nod my guilty head and whisper to you that in my fifties I occasionally misspell words I’ve never misspelled before and am horrified afterward. Humility rears up whether you want the lesson or not.
Here’s two you. ;-0))))
It’s even more harrowing and humbling, JJ, to notice these things after one’s work is published. Oh my. Out comes the inner correction cop so that the second printing can be prettier.
What a fantastic post. A great read for me this Sunday morning. thank you for sharing your thoughts.